I can’t remember when and how I came to know about the Matchmaking Corner (上海人民公园相亲角) in Shanghai’s People’s Park.
This place came about ten years ago, when a few hobby matchmakers decided to meet, exchange photos, and set up dates for their acquaintances. Apparently their success rate was surprisingly high, and the word got around, so more and more people were bringing their kids’ information in hope of a good match–with or without said kid knowing, of course!
Ten years later, the Shanghai matchmaking corner has its own name, and it is THE main event at this park on the weekends. During our recent trip to Shanghai, Bill and I decided to pay a visit and see for ourselves. We figured it would be an interesting and unusual story to share with all of you; plus, I had a picture of Sarah and a picture of Kaitlin tucked into my wallet.
HAH! Kidding!
Finding the place is easy. It’s right outside Exit #11 of the People’s Square subway station (via subway Line 1, 2 & 8). The minute we stepped inside the park, we were surrounded by people, signs, and fanned out umbrellas lining the grounds along the pathways.
I have to say, it was a little jarring for someone seeing it for the first time. It reminded me of the old days (before China’s liberation) when some poor families would have to sell their child for money due to hunger and sickness, for survival. Obviously the situation today is utterly different, but still, it feels a bit odd to see all these parents matchmaking for their children in an almost flea-market-like setup. But many people enjoy the atmosphere––and the thrill of the hunt––and have been coming for years, greeting each other with a quick nod and a faint smile.
You can’t really tell from the photos, but the park “exhibit” is grouped by Shanghai natives, New Shanghainese (after 5 years of living and working in Shanghai, you are offered a residence permit, known as Hukou, 户口), people from all other provinces, and international “applicants” from countries like the US, Canada, Australia, Japan and Hong Kong.
Apparently many smaller matchmaking events happen in other parks around Shanghai as well, but Renmin Park is THE destination to see and be seen. Even though the park has put out a sign which clearly states that the park is for everyone’s enjoyment and not a place for matchmaking, every weekend, hundreds of people–mothers, fathers, aunts, and uncles–come here with their portable stools, tri-fold umbrellas, and laminated signs and park themselves by the side of the path, hoping to beat the odds and find their future in-laws.
According to one mother who may be the fastest talker I’ve ever met (truly, she did most of the talking, as I couldn’t get two words in.), the success rate of matchmaking in recent years has dropped to 1%. But I liked her positive attitude: if you are that 1%, then your success rate is 100%! Not a bad motivator, I suppose, even if the reasoning is spotty. After listening to her shoot out words in rapid succession for a good thirty minutes, I got the lowdown from her perspective as an insider. Her take was that there’s too much focus on material things today. Here is how it breaks down:
- Woman seeking man: man should have his own apartment in Shanghai (preferably without a mortgage), a car, and a high paying job.
- Man seeking woman: woman should be good looking, have a white-collar job, and be a Shanghai native (i.e., have a hukou).
Other considerations include but are not limited to:
- Smaller family size and zero elders are preferred (i.e., less or no baggage)
- Age and zodiac signs should be well-matched
- No long distance matches
- College graduates are preferred
- People with foreign college degrees are preferred
Sounds like a job description, doesn’t it?
A typical marriage “resume” states: gender, age, height, weight, education, job, wage, and contact information. The ones who have housing and/or own a car will bold such information to indicate that they are top choices. But there is no mention of personality, hobbies, beliefs, likes, or dislikes.
The fast-talking lady that I was “speaking” with also voiced her distaste for most people’s desire for the material things only. I came to know that she was there for her thirty-year-old son. Her son is a manager at a real estate office in Shanghai, and he owns an apartment, but the apartment does have a mortgage (minus 10 points for that).
The funny thing is that she was unwilling to show me her son’s photo and only yielded after I told her that I have two daughters in his son’s age group. I was not lying, but I wasn’t necessarily telling the truth either, because after seeing this matchmaking circus, I definitely didn’t have any ambitions to be matchmaker for Sarah or Kaitlin (not that I really ever have, much to their liking).
The fast-talking lady also shed some light on the issue of photos. Apparently what you see is not what you get, with the help of the smartphone these days, all photos are “PP’d”: a round face can be dragged into an oval face; imperfections are erased; brows are drawn; eyes are enlarged. Crazy!
I also found out why the marriage “resumes” do not include photos, which seemed like a logical addition to me, and why, moreover, photographs were not even welcome. Believe it or not, most kids are totally unaware of their parents’ “visits” to People’s Park. Can you imagine if a picture of your crazed mother brandishing your photo in the park showed up in your social media circle?! I did my best to capture the scene and a couple of unguarded marriage “resumes” for story-telling purposes only–though, I can’t guarantee confidentiality here.
While all the visitors and exhibitors are parents, I did see a young guy in his early 30s posting a sign for himself. His sign stated that he’d recently relocated to Shanghai from the US with a US college education, and owns one house in LA and one house in Hawaii. He was tall, slender, and not bad looking, but he was not attracting much interest at all. Maybe his material wealth status was a bit too good to be true for the ever skeptical Chinese parents who’ve learned one too many lessons over the years.
All in all, it was an eye-opening experience! And hey, if you’ve got a bachelor son or a single daughter, this last resort is always waiting in People’s Park!
How very fascinating! Thanks for sharing this. I do not know if I should feel horrified or awed. (Tbh, I am tending towards horrified) but it sure sounds like a very interesting experience. If I ever get to Shanghai I will certainly look for that.
I have to agree, it’s a little horrifying!
My grandfather lives on the other side of the river, but only maybe a 15 min walk from the place. One day, his caretaker wheeled him to the park, and the parents decended on him, asking if he was there on behalf of a man or a woman. They were pretty miffed when he said he was just a spectator.
My mom asked if I wanted to go and check it out, just to see, but I’m in the desired age range, so I was pretty scared to do so
Hi Angela, you should check it out and take a walk through the park. It’s very interesting and you never know if you’ll meet your soulmate’s mom or dad ;-)
So I had no idea this even existed as I hopped out of the subway and into the park just to explore the area. As you mentioned, I was a bit overwhelmed by all of it, especially having no clue what the purpose was. Thankfully I heard a few people speaking English and and asked politely for an explanation. I learned not only that it was for matchmaking (as well as for social and gossip reasons) but also how to recognize which character on each sign represented male from female. I had no idea why photos weren’t used, which seemed logical. So naturally I was eager to learn more and your wonderful article was not only a delight and enlightening, but also allows me to share this wonderful experience with others through your story.
Hi Brent, glad you had a chance to experience it firsthand!
Judy, thank you for posting this very interesting read. I was surprised to hear this park and practice exists in such openness. I wonder what happens after the parent and the “seeker” (be it another parent or the suitor) agree on a deal …do they try to force the match? Do they even tell the child what has taken place? I mean, they can’t exactly make the child actually marry someone without their consent. Any thoughts? Thanks for your blog. I did submit a nomination for it to the link posted. It was so close last year, keeping fingers crossed for a win this year!! :-)
Hi CC, thank you so much for the nomination, we did win both readers’ choice and editor’s choice last year. And we are going for it again this year. Regarding this post, not to worry, these parents are very good with coming up with scenarios for the two kids to meet without forcing it…I have seen enough Chinese dramas to know that :-)
OMG…Loved this post, I just visited this place 2 weeks ago during my last China Trip. My trips never co-ordinate being in Shanghai on a Sunday to see this but this time it did on my way to metro, I wandered through Renmin Park to have a look with no idea what I would expect to see.
Wow, I found this such an eye opener, overwhelming but so interesting, I could not believe all the fanned out umbrellas and information about the children. I was able to figure out ages, height, salary etc but my mandarin is not very good to get a detailed conversation. You are right about no pictures, I did not understand why but now I do! I got my supplier to translate some of the ‘resumes’ for me, so interesting.
I would like to have another wander through the park on another trip. Its all culture to me and although the sign says no matchmaking, I love how the locals still do it…lol!
Hi Jo, so glad you get to see it first hand. Pretty amazing isn’t it!?
Absolutely!
This is how I personally first heard about the marriage market:
https://www.buzzfeed.com/kirstenking/this-video-about-the-pressure-chinese-woman-face-to-get-marr?bffbvid&utm_term=.lfYkWDzPX#.dbNdzXNpb
If you haven’t seen it yet it’s definitely worth the watch. I was curious about the mart itself after watching the video so thanks for posting about it! :)
Hi Kim, thank you so much for sharing! I just watched it. We all know finding true love is more than hard, more and more people are not willing to settle like their parents’ generation.